TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
