I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Randomize
