Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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