Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
