Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
