Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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