I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
