Im at strip club and am horny
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
