I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
