Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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