I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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