listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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