I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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