We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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