she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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