I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
