the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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