I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
