ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
