I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
