I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
