The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
