Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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