She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
