Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
