U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
