a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
