We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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