who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
