I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
