in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
