i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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