I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
