How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
