Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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