Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
