Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
