i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just invented taco cereal.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
