I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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