I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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