Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
