so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
