I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
