So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
