Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
