omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
