Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
