It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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