Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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