Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
