God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
